I ask this question in every women’s leadership class I teach: “Have you ever negotiated your salary?”
Out of roughly 900 women, 47.6% say they never have.
That’s not from a textbook or a headline—it’s real-world feedback from women across industries, roles, and career stages.
That’s not just surprising—it’s a wake-up call.
What the Research Says
My survey data lines up with what larger studies are now confirming. While earlier research suggested women negotiated less often than men—some citing that only 1 in 5 women negotiated salary offers—recent data paints a more nuanced picture.
A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that the majority of U.S. workers—both men and women—don’t ask for higher starting pay. Among those who didn’t negotiate, women were more likely than men to say they felt uncomfortable doing so. 👉 Source: Pew Research Center
Meanwhile, a large-scale academic study cited by Harvard’s Program on Negotiation found that women MBA graduates were just as likely as men to negotiate—but often faced different reactions when they did. 👉 Source: Harvard PON
So it’s not that women don’t negotiate. It’s that the discomfort is real, the system isn’t always friendly, and the internal narrative still whispers: “Don’t push it.”
The Cost of Staying Silent
When we don’t negotiate, it’s not just about money—though that’s a big one.
Not negotiating your starting salary can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of your career. That one moment of silence? It echoes for decades.
But it goes deeper:
- You miss out on bonuses, better titles, and visibility.
- You stay stuck in a cycle of being seen as a “doer” instead of a decision-maker.
- You teach the people around you that your value is whatever they say it is.
This isn’t about being greedy. It’s about getting aligned with the value you already bring.
So What Can You Do? Start Here.
You don’t have to walk into your boss’s office tomorrow with a list of demands. (Although if you’re ready—go for it.) Here are three ways to get started right now:
1. Start Small. Ask for Something. Anything.
Negotiate the hotel room upgrade. Ask for a better seat. Request a refund. Start flexing your “ask” muscle in low-stakes situations so it’s ready for the high-stakes ones.
2. Reframe Negotiation as Advocacy.
You’re not asking for a favor. You’re advocating for fair treatment, based on your value and results. That mindset shift changes everything.
3. Get Around Other Women Who Are Asking.
Talk about money. Ask what others have negotiated. Share what’s worked for you. Normalize the conversation—and the courage it takes to have it.
This Isn’t Just About the Job You Have—It’s About the Life You Want
When you learn to negotiate your salary, you start to negotiate other parts of your life too—your boundaries, your time, your peace of mind.
And if you’re already doing great work but not getting the recognition (or compensation) you deserve, you’re not alone.
In fact, I’m launching a free webinar, The Confident Ask, and a new program, Recognition Reset, specifically to help high-performing women get rewarded for the value they already deliver.
But for now, just start with this question:
Have you ever negotiated your salary? What held you back—or what helped you succeed?
I’d love to hear your answer. Let’s keep this conversation going.
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